May 17, 2016

Stuffed Mushrooms

10 Smurfs were killed in the making of this recipe

It is in the great American spirit of stuffing things into other things, and then eating all of those things together, that I bring you this recipe for Stuffed Mushrooms. First we conquered some basic concepts like scooping eggs out of other bits of eggs, mixing it with other junk, and mashing it all back together into deliciousness. Then we did almost the exact same thing with potatoes, but we cooked the food more afterwards and it was awesome. Now we're taking mushrooms, filling them up with other mushrooms plus a whole bunch of other awesomeness, and cooking it all together. That's right, it's mushroom-ception. It's pretty much the mushroom equivalent of a turducken, or some equivalent yuppie nonsense. Why stuff vegetarian things like mushrooms, instead of stuffing delicious animals into some unholy Russian nesting doll of meat? Well, aside from the fact that no words in the English language sound more disturbing than "Russian nesting doll of meat," I ran out of turkeys.


4 Portobello Mushroom Caps 
8 oz. Crimini Mushrooms 
1 Onion
1 Fennel Bulb (Note for the unamerican: in foreign lands, Fennel is sometimes referred to as "anise." This also sometimes happens domestically, but we try not to talk about it. You've been advised)
1 Green Pepper
1 Clove of Garlic
6 oz. Cream Cheese
3 oz. Parmesan Cheese
2 TBSP Butter
2 pinches o' Salt
1 pinch o' Black Pepper

Sure, that's a lot of ingredients, but try not to let it freak you out. First of all, because this really isn't all that many ingredients, and secondly because this recipe is ridiculously easy. Take your crimini mushrooms, onion, fennel, green pepper, and garlic, and choppity chop-chop them down into vaguely recognizable bits of their former glory. That's step one: The choppification. Then melt half your butter over medium heat, toss in your onions, fennel, and criminis, and sauté all of that nonsense along with your Black Pepper, and 1 pinch of Salt. After about 5 minutes add in your green pepper, garlic, and the rest of your salt, and cook it for another 3 minutes or so. Turn off the heat, and stir in your cream cheese to form a delicious creamy ooze of vegetables that's somehow enticing and repulsive at the same time.

Yeah, these are awesome. They're also mine. Make your own. 
Melt the rest of your butter, and rub down your portobellos with it until they're good and lubed. Now it's time to for the fun part, and by "fun," I mean "violating the laws of nature and common decency." Turn your portobellos upside down, take your vegetable sludge -consisting largely of mushrooms- and squidge it all up inside the hollow of the portobello caps (That's the bit that would be the attic of a Smurf's house) until they're full and you feel...just kind of wrong. Grate your parmesan cheese all up on top of those mushrooms, and throw them in a 400 degree oven for about 1/2 an hour, or until they get golden brown and smell awesome enough to almost make you forget about what you just did to poor unsuspecting mushrooms. Take them out of the oven and immediately eat them to assuage your guilty conscience. And also because they're awesome. And also, now your mouth is burned. Maybe your throat too. Totally worth it.

No comments:

Post a Comment