Mozzarella Sticks

The best way I've found to get giant unmarked slabs of cheese
is to steal 'em from work. So go shanghai yourself some dairy

Cheese. To some it's a source of nutrition, to others pure flavor. And some people just like taunting milk-producing animals by eating dairy products right in front of their faces. And, as the internet taught us in the early 2000s that there's only so much milk you can drink before bad things happen to you and anyone in your immediate vicinity, cheese is the ideal cow-taunting foodstuff. The one thing I know for sure is that cheese is delicious, versatile, and actively in my fridge at this very moment. And everything is better fried, so mozzarella sticks were pretty much destined to happen. Don't fight destiny. You'll piss off a deity and then the Greeks will have to build a giant wooden horse. It'll be a mess, and it's not worth the hassle.

Ingredients:

Mozzarella Cheese
Seasoned Breadcrumbs
Eggs
Flour
Smoked Paprika
Salt
Oil (something with a neutral flavor and a high smoke point, like peanut oil. Any oil recommended for frying should be good though)

The first thing you may notice upon close inspection is the there are no amounts of anything. Welcome to the wonderful world of winging it. Because we're talking mozzarella sticks here. This is something you should be making until you run out of everything, not until the arbitrary amount of food to complete a recipe is reached. You need flour, eggs, and breadcrumbs to coat the cheese, paprika and salt to season those coverings, and oil to fry it in. You should have about a teaspoon each of salt and paprika for every cup of flour. Beyond that, I have the utmost faith you'll persevere, and fully indemnify against legal action in the event that you set yourself or your loved ones on fire.

Sriracha added for deliciousness purposes

On to the construction. Cut your cheese into rectangular prisms. I like a size of about a half inch by a half inch by 4 inches, but as long as your hunks of cheese are all roughly the same as each other, follow your heart. Mix together your flour, paprika, and salt, and then coat your cheese prisms in it. Mercilessly beat your eggs, then dunk your floury cheese into them, then into your breadcrumbs, then back to your eggs, and back one more time to your breadcrumbs. Confused? You shouldn't be. It's flour, eggs, breadcrumbs, eggs, breadcrumbs. Then lay out your crumby cheese on a baking sheet and freeze it for at least 2 hours. Once they're solidly frozen, heat up your oil over medium heat and get to frying. About one minute on each side should do it, but you can also go by how delicious they look, smell, and taste. Either way. Then just top them with the marinara, hot sauce, or nothing of your choice and eat them until your loved ones think you have a serious problem. You know, the ones you haven't set on fire yet. Enjoy!