February 2, 2016

French Fry Hash

Artist's rendition of me eating this food
Sometimes, as you journey down the highway of life, futilely trying to avoid the potholes of decaying hopes and youth, ever watchful for the police officer of injuring yourself on the toilet, you can get a little tired. So maybe you don't have the time or energy to make food from scratch, or eat healthy, or put on pants. So what? You don't need to apologize for it. Right? Right? Well who cares? Yesterday I gathered with friends to celebrate my having desecrated the Earth with my presence for another year, and I decided a number of things. Most of them involved which drink I was going to order next, but somewhere in there was the idea that making delicious and awesome food isn't something to be ashamed of, even if it's not some bespoke, cruelty-free, gluten-free, nut-free, sugar-free, food-free, fun-free hipster nonsense.


5 oz. Cooked French Fries (That's about one large order of fries. If you don't have this lying around, trying going to literally any fast-food restaurant ever and asking for some)
1/3 lb. Corned Beef
1 Bell Pepper (I used half a red pepper and half a green pepper. Because I'm just that cool, but you don't need to shoot that high if you're not comfortable. You don't want to fly too close to the sun, melt your wings, and end up drowning, like some jerk in a labyrinth. Use whatever kind of Bell Pepper you want.)
1/2 an Onion
5 Button Mushrooms
1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
1/2 tsp Smoked Paprika
1/4 tsp Black Pepper
1/4 tsp Salt
An unspecified amount of Vegetable Oil

There really isn't much in the way of direction for this recipe. It's pretty straightforward, which is on of the reasons why I like it so much. Another is the delicious delicious taste. A close 3rd is the money I've received from the powerful Corned Beef lobby to promote their products and services. In any event, the first thing (Of like 4 things total) that you've got to do is choppity chop chop your Fries, Corned Beef, Bell Pepper, Onions, and Mushrooms into bite-size pieces. There isn't really a too big or too small, just make sure they're all about the same. Like the designers of airplane seat-backs, you're looking for uniformity of size. If you don't start off with it, you'll sure as hell have painfully molded it by the end of your trip. 
Unlike the grammatical composition of this sentence, there
ain't nothin' wrong with that
Anyhow, mix together your Garlic Powder, Paprika, Black Pepper, and Salt in a bowl (That was the second thing you needed to do, if you're counting along at home). Now heat up a pan on medium heat, coat the bottom of it with Vegetable Oil, and add in your uniformly chopped Peppers, Onion, and Mushrooms, along with 1/3 of your Paprika mix. Saute`for about 3 minutes before adding in the Corned Beef. Cook for another 5 minutes, and add in the Fries, and the rest of the Paprika mix. Let it all cook together for about 5 more minutes, then take it off the heat, put it on a plate, and immediately consume it, preferably next to a person who's eating a salad. Bonus points if you make obnoxiously loud grunts of appreciation for the food. 

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