February 16, 2016

Blueberry Ginger Shot

The blueberries know this is a bad idea, but they're excited
to be a part of it. Never trust a berry named after a color.
So, I've been sick. What else is new? It seems like for the past month or so I've been getting sick a lot. But this time I got a fancy diagnosis, a couple prescriptions, and 2 shots, so I'm pretty sure any germs left in my body are trapped in germ POW camps, waiting for the antibody death squads to finish them off. But let's get back to those shots. Because, for the first time that I can recall, an alleged medical professional asked me to drop my pants and bend over. Technically she didn't ask in that order. Because initially she said the shot was going to be in my back, which turned out to be a lie. It was pretty weird, but whatever. People with 102 degree fevers don't tend to question medical direction. They spend their time on better things, like alternating between trying not to die, wishing they were dead, and pretty much turning into a drunk bear. Anyway, in honor of my unnecessarily large shot, I'm making an unnecessarily large shot. With blueberries. And ginger. In fact, forget the shot.


1/4 Cup Blueberries
1 tsp Sugar
1/2 tsp Lemon Juice
1 oz. Rum
4 oz. Ginger Beer

Who says you can't make something awesome just because
you're sick? Blanket forts are awesome. Case closed.
Some might call it a bad idea to make an alcoholic drink while recovering from an illness and taking lots of antibiotics. But what is this? Communist Laos? America is all about not asking doctors questions we don't want the answers to, so let's make this drink. The first thing you're gonna need to do is chop up your Blueberries and throw them in a bowl along with your Sugar and Lemon Juice. The next thing you're gonna need to do is wait. Keep waiting. Has it been 15 minutes yet? No? Then keep waiting some more. Once your 15 minutes go by, use a spoon, fork, bag of rocks, or a couple swift uppercuts to smash the crap (pulp and juice) out of your Blueberries. Strain out the skins, and lay that pulpy nonsense down on top of some ice in an unnecessarily large cup for what's allegedly "a shot." Add in the rest of your ingredients. Stir lightly, and that's it! Or, if you thought ahead, you could have reserved a little bit of your Blueberry guts to sprinkle on top and make it all pretty at the end. And that's it again! Unless you want a garnish, because you're fancy, and can't handle life the way it really is, which is probably gonna lead to a harsh awakening some day, but today doesn't have to be that day. Then just toss some blueberries down in the sucker. And that's it. For real this time. Go...drink it. Do it now. I'm gonna go take a 15 hour nap. Seriously, that's it. Go home.

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