Apple Fennel Turkey Meatballs

Tastes just like grandma's famous Potato Pumpkin Pie.
There's a reason we don't visit her. 

People are talking about pumpkin spice lattes again, so it must be fall. And that means that it's time for my annual tradition of not caring about pumpkin spice lattes. I just don't get the fascination, both by the supporters and by the haters. I mean, I agree that throwing a fistful of ground cloves at absolutely everything to call it "pumpkin spice" is stupid, but why do people get so emotionally invested in it? At this time, when our country is more absurd and divided than ever by idiots shouting over each other, we can't have food dividing us further. Fortunately, some things are so delicious that they can bridge the divide. Turkey meatballs, with fennel, apple, and other goodness in them is a good start. You can sit down with your neighbor, eat delicious food, and come to realize that all of your problems aren't so problematic after all. And besides, shouldn't you band together and work for your mutual betterment, and the eventual destruction of those ambiguously evil jerks from two blocks over?

Ingredients:

3 lb. Ground Turkey
2 Eggs
2 Fennel Bulbs
1 Apple (There are so many different kinds of apples these days. I don't begrudge that. I love apples and I love variety, so as far as I'm concerned it's the best time to be alive, no matter what those cranberry farmers on the Ocean Spray commercials have to say about it. So what kind of apple do you use? There aren't really any wrong answers, but if you can I'd go for something mildly sweet and a little tart)
1 largish Onion
1 clove Garlic
1 jar Marina Sauce (Most jars of marinara you buy at any supermarket are about the same size. Roughly 25 oz. which is what you're going for here. If you have weird atypically sized sauce, figure it out. Have fun with your math, sucker!)
1/2 tsp Black Pepper
Salt
Oil

The first thing you're going to need to do is clean all of the random detritus leftover from summer out of your kitchen and out of your life. We're talking sand, flower tiaras, songs about "feeling it" and "tonight." It's all got to go. You're cooking delicious hearty food to keep you warm at night. Roll up your flannel sleeves, put on a song about the days getting shorter or about not being young anymore, and get to work choppity chop chopping your onion and fennel. Heat up some oil in a sauté pan and toss them in there along with an average sized human's pinch of salt. Cook that nonsense, stirring occasionally, for about 7 minutes, until everything starts to get kind of golden brown, soft, and smells delicious, Chop your garlic into itty bits and toss it in that party for about a minute, and then turn the heat off.

It tastes as good as it looks. Unlike that wax fruit debacle

Mix together your turkey, eggs, and black pepper in a bowl. Grate your apple, drain at least half of the juice that comes out of it, and then toss it in to your jive turkey mixture. Then add in half of the contents of your fennel and onion pan, and splorp that nonsense together until it's all homogenous, and it starts to make some truly awful sucking noises. Grease up some baking sheets, and then start rolling out balls of your turkey goop, each about the size of a ping pong ball. Getting them all close to the same size is a good thing, because then they'll all cook evenly over the same period of time. Toss them in a 425 degree oven and bake those goop balls for about 15 minutes, or until they start to get a little bit charred, and they're cooked through. Throw your marina sauce in to your onion and fennel pan, and bring that up to a simmer. Salt and pepper it to taste, and then throw in your cooked balls of turkey deliciousness. Get everything coated and, if you've got the time, let the flavors get to know each other for 5 minutes or so. Then eat it. Then thank me. Then shut up about how much you love/hate the summer ending, or dumb food trends, or any politician. Nobody cares. Eat some turkey meatballs.