Spicy Honeyed Sweet Potatoes

How does Thanksgiving sneak up on us? With clever disguises

It's Thanksgiving time again. And that means it's time to shove some delicious food into our mouths. As much as we can as fast as we can in the hopes that it appeases the angry ghosts of our ancestors who probably lived and died in some beet-heavy country like Serbia and never dreamed of being able to come to a land of limitless opportunity and eating a giant stupid chicken that drowns in the rain. But not everything is turkey and gravy. For every flower there are weeds, there only to sow dissent and destruction. On Thanksgiving, this is the sweet potatoes which, for reasons nobody can adequately explain and is probably some sort of ancient curse inflicted upon colonizing Europeans, tradition demands get covered with marshmallows and baked. Kids love this idea, because kids are stupid. They hear marshmallows, and they stop listening. You could offer kids marshmallows covered in chalk and they'd ask for more. But sweet potatoes have potential. They've got a good flavor that pairs well with a lot of things, and they can make a great addition to your meal. Assuming you don't cover them with marshmallows.

Ingredients:

3 largish Sweet Potatoes
1/2 cup Walnuts
3 TBSP Honey
1.5 TBSP Olive Oil
1 tsp Cinnamon
1/4 tsp Cayenne Pepper
1/4 tsp Black Pepper
1/4 tsp Cumin
1 largish human's pinch of Salt

The first thing you're going to need to do is stop freaking out. People treat Thanksgiving like it's some crazy marathon of cooking that they need a full month to prepare for. It's one day with family and a large meal. This is a weekly occurrence for tons of Americans who descend from Italians, Greeks, Jews, and tons of others. Any culture with a food and family tradition. We all laugh at the rest of you every year, because it's really not that big of a deal. Just take a breath, make your food, set your table, and don't be afraid to remind any drunk or abrasive relatives that they're completely expendable. Once your tears have dried, start pre-heating your oven to 375 degrees. Spread your walnuts evenly on a baking sheet and put them in the oven for 5 minutes while it's heating. Keep an eye on them, because nut are jerks and they like going from "not cooked at all" to "charcoal" in about 3 seconds while your back is turned. Don't give them the satisfaction. Once your nuts are toasted it's time to peel your sweet potatoes. Technically you could leave the skin on them. They're not harmful to eat and they have fiber. Then again, the same thing could be said of cardboard, so use your own judgement.

I'm not saying these are delicious enough to make up for
centuries of oppression, but they definitely don't hurt.

Cut your sweet potatoes in half lengthwise, and then cut them in to "half moon" shaped chunks, each about 1/4 inch wide. The goal is to get them all the same size so that they cook at the same rate. Some pieces probably won't conform, but that's okay. It's not like your guests are going to be judging you silently while they eat and talking about all of your failures in the car on the ride home. Once you're done cutting, throw your sweet potatoes in a bowl along with your salt, black pepper, cayenne, cinnamon, cumin, oil, and 2 TBSP of your honey. Mix that nonsense together and then spread it flat on a baking sheet in one layer. If it doesn't find, use two baking sheets. If it still doesn't fit, you may need to re-evaluate what you've been calling a "baking sheet." In any case, throw toss your sheets of sweet potatoes into your oven and let them cook for about 20-25 minutes. Once they're soft enough to easily stick a fork through, take them out of the oven and throw them in a bowl along with your walnuts and your last TBSP of honey. Stir that together, and then serve it to your ungrateful friends and family. It's a little spicy, a little sweet, and a whole lot of delicious, and will totally distract from the fact that a bottle of wine disappeared and the kids' table is starting to look a little too festive. Happy Thanksgiving!