April 10, 2018

Broth Simmered Brown Rice

The brown rice sat awkwardly while all of its
friends had fun at the pool party
Conventional wisdom says that you should boil rice in water to cook it. But for thousands of years conventional wisdom said that it was cool to own slaves, so I guess you've really got to decide for yourself: do you want to cook boring rice like a morally bankrupt slaver, or cook rice in chicken broth, like a person of indeterminate morals and profession? And sure, I get it. Boring rice is super appealing with its less bold flavors and its devil-may-care attitude. I guess it's just up to you to decide whether it's worth resisting the bland whiles of watery rice to take an ethical stand. Don't worry. Take your time with your decision while everybody here on team no-slavery silently judges you.


1.5 cups Brown Rice
3.5 cups Chicken Stock, or broth, or whatever (Or, if you're one of those vegetarians I keep hearing so much about, switch it out with vegetable stock, or broth, or whatever)
1 inch long wedge of Ginger
2 Cardamom Pods
1/2 tsp Olive Oil
1/8 tsp Saffron

The first thing you're gonna need to do is find some saffron. This may prove more difficult than you'd expect. Saffron is crazy expensive, and isn't necessarily readily available at every supermarket. It's expensive because it takes something like 75,000 flowers to get 1 usable pound of saffron, and all of the harvesting is done by hand. Fortunately, a grocery story near me is selling everything for 50% off before they close and their new owners rebrand, so I'm rolling in discount saffron. For you, I'd suggest using the internet, kind of like you're doing right now, but in a more buying-saffron-y sort of way. Allow up to 5 business days for delivery, probably. While you're waiting motionlessly in your kitchen for your saffron to arrive in the mail, peel your ginger, slice it in half, and toss it into a pot along with your oil, cardamom, rice, and chicken broth. Add in a gentleman's pinch each of salt and pepper, and once your carrier pigeon arrives with your saffron, toss that in the mix too (the saffron, not the pigeon). Bring that sucker up to a boil, then cover it and turn the heat down to low.

If, like me, you like your rice a little...gloppier, add in
some extra broth at the end after you finish cooking.
It may be worthwhile right now to talk about brown rice, and how it differs from white rice in important ways such as nutrition, biology, and how long you have to wait before shoving it in your mouth hole. Essentially, brown rice is a whole grain, as opposed to white rice which is essentially Michael Jackson in the 90s, in that it definitely had some work done, but really doesn't want to talk about it. And while yes, the bits of grain left behind in brown rice make it somewhat more nutritious and higher in fiber, they also make it take longer to cook. Some people will soak their brown rice for hours so that in the end it'll take 20 minutes less to cook. This is obviously insane, but if you're a trend follower don't let me stop you. The point is, unless you've wasted hours on culinary machinations, you're going to need to cook your rice for about 45 minutes before you can eat it. It should be a little bit firm, but not at all crunchy, and it should still look like rice and not exploded foam swimming pool noodles. Oh, also the water should have absorbed. Then just remove the cardamom and ginger, and there you have it! Delicious rice that you can totally eat with chicken, lamb, or on its own while you're hunched like an animal over the stovetop where you just made it, carefully guarding against intruders and rice-thieves.

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