March 6, 2018


From these humble beginnings, great stains will be made
Everybody loves breakfast for dinner. Sure, the only person that I interviewed about this was myself, but if the internet has taught me anything (and I'm fairly sure it hasn't) it's that it only matters that a study was done. Not who performed it, who funded it, or whether it was done competently. The point is that I want to eat french toast while I sit on my couch and watch Netflix. But I can't, because I'll get sugar and syrup on my couch, and then when I have company I'll need to make up some excuse about how a friend brought their kid over, and he wrecked my couch. It's too much effort. Fortunately, Shakshuka exists. It's got poached eggs, which gives it that breakfasty feeling, but it's super savory and delicious which makes it socially acceptable as a dinner. So when I have friends over who ask me about the stains on the couch, I won't have to make up a fictional child to cover for it.


6 Eggs
3 large Tomatoes
2 Red Peppers
1 Jalapeño Pepper
1 standard-issue Onion
4 cloves Garlic
1 tsp Cumin
1 tsp Smoked Paprika
1/4 tsp Black Pepper
1/4 tsp Cayenne Pepper
Olive Oil

Shakshuka is essentially eggs poached in a spicy tomato and red pepper sauce. The key is to let the peppers and tomatoes cook down until they kind of start disintegrating into each other. The first step is to dice up your onion and toss it in a pan with some oil and an average-sized human's pinch of salt over medium-low heat. Let it cook for about 2 minutes, and just when it starts getting a little bit of color toss in your diced peppers, red and jalapeño, along with another pinch of salt. Now it's time to dice up your tomatoes. It's worth mentioning that with a super sharp knife, dicing up tomatoes is easy. With whatever blunt object you're likely calling a knife these days, not so much. Tomatoes have a fairly thick skin, and soft goopy insides, kind of like people. So if you're pushing down with a dull knife, you've got a good chance of just crushing everything. Possible fixes for this are to sharpen your stupid knives, peel your tomatoes, or not worry too much about it because who cares when we're making a sauce with them anyway? Whatever you decide, dice up your tomatoes, and choppity chop up your garlic. You're adding in the garlic first, but once it's in the pan you'll be moving a little quicker, so it's best to have your tomatoes ready ahead of time.

That's one messy hot plate of deliciousness
Once your peppers start going soft, add in your garlic along with your cumin, paprika, black pepper, and cayenne. Stir that mess together and let the flavors get to know each other for about a minute before dumping in your tomatoes along with another pinch of salt. Tomatoes are a little more shy, so they'll need some time to come out of their shells and get to know everybody at the party. So bring your mix up to a boil before covering it and turning the heat down to low. Let that all cook down for 20-30 minutes, until everything starts to look saucy and delicious, and your tomatoes have really broken down. If they're weeping in a corner somewhere, you're probably ready. Don't worry, it's for their own good. Now, like dollar-store philosophers, it's time for us to contemplate eggs. Take a spoon and make small divots in the surface of your sauce. Crack an egg in to each depression and then, if you like things more delicious and flavorful, add a little bit of salt and black pepper on top of each egg. Cover your mixture again, and let it all cook for about 12 minutes, depending on how well done you like your eggs. Remember that they're sitting in a hot sauce, so turn it off when they're still a little underdone, because they'll keep cooking. If you take them off when they're actually ready, they may end up totally overcooked by the time you, I don't know, take pictures of them for your blog. You know, hypothetically. Then just grab a fork, spoon, flatbread or other implement of destruction and go to town on it. Enjoy!

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