April 14, 2015

Grilled Cheese

Am I the only one who thinks it looks like the bread's chilling
with cheese arm candy, and a butter bodygaurd? Yes. I am.
Have you ever noticed that you suck? Seriously, think about it. Chances are that at some point in your life, your parents made you a grilled cheese sandwich. And it was fantastic. It was buttery, crunchy, melty, cheesy, and utterly delicious awesomeness. It made you feel like even though you ripped your pants in front of the whole class at recess and everybody was laughing and you and you could just DIE, somehow everything would be OK. And chances are that some time around college, possibly because you were risking acute ramen poisoning, you decided to make some cheese sandwiches for yourself. And chances are you took some cheese, put it on some bread, and put it in the microwave. Which is why you suck.


2 thick slices of Challah Bread (Challah is a traditional Jewish bread that is usually eaten on the Sabbath. It's also crazy good for making things like french toast or grilled cheese. It can be found in a surprisingly large number of stores, but not everywhere. If you can't get it, you can replace it with whatever inferior bread you like. Or you can look up a recipe on the internet and just make some. You know, like a man.)
1.5 TBSP Salted Butter 
2 oz Fontina Cheese
1 oz Pepper Jack Cheese

Before we get started, yes I know that as a kid you likely didn't use fancy breads or cheeses. But in my defense, shut up. First of all, just because you didn't have access to these ingredients as a kid, it doesn't mean that you wouldn't have loved a sandwich made from them. Secondly, we're not kids anymore (I assume. I don't know who reads this thing). The point is, we're making something awesome, that evokes all of the best memories of the childhood sandwiches we took for granted, but that's still satisfying to our vaguely adult selves.

The first thing to do is melt your butter in a pan, over medium heat. You don't want the pan too hot for this thing, otherwise the bread will burn before the cheese melts, and you'll lose face in front of your dojo. Once your butter is nice and heated, add in your bread, and let it cook for about a minute, until the face-down side gets crispy and delicious looking. If you're not salivating, you're doing it wrong. Scratch that. If you're not salivating, you have a medical issue and should call a doctor. If you're not salivating more than you usually do, you're making the sandwich wrong.

For best results, weep openly at the deliciousness while eating
Flip one piece of bread, and layer the cheese on top of it. Then take your second piece of bread, and put the crispy awesome delicious side down on top of the cheese. Let's be clear, because this is important. To me. Which means you have to read it whether you like it or not. You now have a sandwich, with cheese smushed between the cooked sides of two pieces of bread. After about 45 seconds, or when it's crispy and awesome, flip the entire honkin' sandwich over. Cook it another 45 seconds or so, until the previously mentioned awesomeness is evident on both sides. By this point the cheese in the middle should all be melted. If, for whatever reason (which is almost definitely not a nice way of saying that somewhere along the way you screwed something up) your cheese isn't fully melted, keep flipping your sandwich in the pan every couple seconds, to help heat it up without risking it burning. And that's all there is to it! Delicious, homemade, awesome grilled cheese, and hopefully the first step on your road of redemption. From sucking.

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