|Look at those poor suckers. They have no idea what's about |
to happen to them.
3 Average-Sized tomatoes (If you're unfamiliar with what an average tomato size is, get your time machine out and watch some vaudeville acts around the turn of the 20th century. Or go to a produce store)
28 oz. can Crushed Tomatoes
1/2 an Onion
3 cloves Garlic
1/4 cup fresh chopped Basil
2 TBSP fresh chopped Oregano
1 TBSP Olive Oil
1/2 tsp Salt
1/4 tsp Black Pepper
The first thing you're gonna need to do is prepare your fingers to be mangled. Because this is another time we're bringing out our homicidal friend, the box grater. Offer it a fatted calf to try and appease its fury. Then wash your tomatoes, and grate them into a bowl. Tomatoes are squishy nonsense things, so you're making the grater's job even easier than normal (It's job is to cause you pain). If, like me, through a string of heathen prayers, quick-wittedness, and sheer dumb luck, you managed to not cause yourself serious bodily harm, celebrate in whatever tradition suits you. Then open your can of crushed tomatoes, and splorp them down on top of your fresh tomatoes. Then finely chop your onions and garlic, and throw them in there.
|Best when served to an Italian or Sicilian friend who's|
face you can rub it in.
Now it's time to talk about chopping basil. If you want even bits of basil, and don't want to take forever chopping it, your best bet is a chiffonade. Yes, that sounds like a French prank perpetrated on unsuspecting Americans during the second world war, like mimes and escargot, but don't worry. Just stack your smaller basil leaves inside of the larger ones, tightly roll them up into an adoreable tiny basil cigar. Slice your basil stogie into bits and add it, along with the rest of your ingredients, in with your tomato goop. Stir that nonsense together, cover it, and stick it in the fridge for at least an hour to let all of the flavors come together. And that's all there is to it. Just throw that stuff down on some fresh cooked pasta, use it to make lasagna, or use it to make some insane pizza. Because this sauce would make an awesome chicago-style pizza. (pro-tip: that's what we in the using-the-english-language-business call foreshadowing. It may have something to do with a recipe coming up soon). And that's all there is to it! Enjoy making some awesome food with that sauce. Maybe even some pizza.