|YOU get a pepper, and YOU get a pepper...|
4 Jalapeño Peppers
3.5 oz. Cream Cheese
2.5 oz. Colby Jack Cheese
3/4 Cup Tortilla Chips (If you want to be a super-special badass, you can make your own Tortilla chips. For this recipe, it really won't make a difference, but I suppose it'll let you dickishly one-up your friends who followed this recipe)
1/4 tsp Cumin
1/4 tsp Smoked Paprika
1/4 tsp Garlic Powder
1 average-sized human's pinch of Black Pepper
1 smallish-sized human's pinch of Salt
The first thing you need to do is embrace your love of a culture that you don't truly understand, but will to use as an excuse to get drunk anyhow. It's hard, I know. It's not like you have any experience from things like St. Patrick's day. Are you there yet? Cool. Now it's time to take your Jalapeños and cut them in half lengthwise. Unless you really like the spiciness, or you're making these for your enemies, scoop out the seeds, along with the internal membrane.
|"I hate broccoli. And yet, in a certain sense, I AM broccoli"|
Shred the crap out of your Colby Jack cheese, and mix it in to your Cream Cheese along with your pinch 'o Salt. Take your cheese glop, and evenly spread it all up insides your jalapeño halves. As a fun side note, dairy helps with spiciness, by binding the capsaicin, and then taking it on a fun journey out of your mouth, and into your digestive system. So you're largely disarming your peppers by scooping out their innards, and then further demoralizing them by stuffing them full of their kryptonite. This recipe, more than anything else, is about torturing peppers. Once your peppers are openly weeping at their own impotence, crush your tortilla chips up, and mix them with the Cumin, Paprika, Garlic Powder, and Black Pepper.
Have you ever had cheesy, gooey, spicy, crunchy, and
awesome all at once? It's kinda like that, but more so.