Grenadine

My clothes got stained just looking at this

It's the Jewish high-holiday season, and that means one thing. Kosher markets desperately trying to unload a crapload of surplus pomegranates. And also some nonsense about self-examination and changing for the year to come. But you can't put that in booze, so who cares?

Ingredients:

4 Cups Pomegranate Juice (That's gonna be about 16 Pomegranates. If you want, you can use the store-bought pre-juiced stuff, but just be cognizant of the fact that I will be judging you)
1 Cup Sugar
1 TBSP Lemon Juice

The first thing you're gonna need to do is get comfortable with staining your shirt, counter, walls, and loved ones. Because, pretty uniquely as far as fruits go, pomegranates are aware of the indignity you're about to put them through. And they're angry. Fortunately, drowning is their one weakness. Like pretty much every non-aquatic organism! So lightly slice through the thick outer skin of your pomegranate, just to kind of piss it off. Then submerge it in water, and tear it up. The seeds, which are technically called arils (pretentious people will only call them arils. Because they're the worst), will sink while the waxy white bits will float. Take your pretentious drowned arils, and put them in a blender, food processor, or other implement of destruction, and then strain it through cheesecloth. And there you have it! Pomegranate juice! Or you can buy it in juice form from pretty much any grocery store for the low low price of your dignity.

Make sure to wait so long to take your picture that the
Grenadine all settles at the bottom and you don't get pretty
patterns in your tequila sunrise. Bonus points for storing your
Grenadine in a leftover tequila bottle.

Once you have your juice all taken care of, throw it in a pot along with your Sugar and Lemon Juice. Throw it on some medium heat, and stir it occasionally until the sugar melts completely. Then turn the heat down to medium-low, and let it reduce. Which essentially means just let it sit over the heat and try not to get super nervous about whether it's burning or not. Also stir occasionally, partially to actually keep it from burning, but mostly just to ease the sad voices in your head. When it's reduced by half, meaning there's about 2 cups left in the pot, turn off the heat. It'll still be kinda liquidy. Calm down. It'll get thicker as it cools down. And that's all there is to homemade Grenadine, which incidentally tastes about 1000 times better than the corn syrup stuff they sell in stores. This stuff has a ton of uses. You can make mixed drinks like a Tequila Sunrise, or a Kamikaze. It probably has other uses too!